


Try To Out Weird Me

by Crowley_KingOfHell



Series: Constantine Crossovers (aka John tries to have sex with everyone) [2]
Category: Constantine (TV), Preacher (TV)
Genre: Constantine is a hot mess, M/M, PWP, Preacher is confused, so is Cassidy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-16 07:35:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13049472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crowley_KingOfHell/pseuds/Crowley_KingOfHell
Summary: Constantine is working a job, and it happens to be leading him to Annville Texas Preacher Jesse Custer. But before he can meet Genesis, Constantine tries to out weird Jesse's best friend Cassidy. Neither of them know what they're getting into. (hint, it's each other)





	1. The Long Reach of Darkness

_Annville, Texas_

"Ay, Padre, have a little mercy on this old boy, alright? I've been well behaved since I showed up, haven't I?" Proinsias Cassidy was actually on his knees in front of his best friend, "Let me have a night out. Just wanta stretch my legs a bit, try and get a little action. Maybe some synthetic fun if you're picking up what I'm putting down." Palms facing up, eyes pleading, he stared up at Jesse. The Preacher crossed his arms and exhaled through his nostrils, glaring down at his best friend, tensing his jaw. "Alright, look Cass-" he couldn't even finish his sentence before Cassidy was on his feet, hugging him, "Thank you, Padre! You won't regret it, I'll be on my best behavior! You'll never even know I'm gone." Jesse raised his voice, "Not single dead body, Cass! No gambling, no bar fights and no dead call girls!" Cassidy broke the hug, "You really think I'd go lookin for blood for the hell of it, boyo? Don't you know me better than that?" He furrowed his brow at the man that may as well be his brother. "No, Cass, of course not. I don't mean in blood. Don't let some poor girl shoot herself up and die tonight. You always want everyone else to keep up with you but normal people can't. Do you understand me?" Jesse rested his hands on both of Cassidy's shoulders. Cassidy was suddenly extremely aware of his sobriety, "Ah, erm, yeah, Padre. You've got my word." He said quietly before backing away and slinking back into the back room of the church.

Slowing to a stop at the outskirts of a small city, Chas reached into the backseat and shook Constantine awake, "Rise and shine, John." The sleeping man grunted and swatted his hand, "G'me a few more hours." Chas rolled his eyes and slapped Constantine in the arm, "You've had sixteen hours." To which Constantine sat up before flinching at the light, "Ugh, I feel like ended up on the receiving end of a hit and run." Groaning and slowly turning to a sitting position, "Alright, what are we doing here?" Constantine asked. "There's been a string of deaths amongst powerful spiritual leaders." Chas began. "So, what now? We're taking down petty Christian killers? What about the Darkness? Don't we have bigger fish to fry?" Constantine cut across him. "None of them are in the same religion, John. They're all men and women in positions of power and influence, healthy churches, committed congregations." Chas persisted, Constantine leaned closer, "Fine. Do we know what's causing their deaths?" He asked. "They explode and liquify."

Constantine stepped out of the car and into the heat of the Texas morning. He stretched on his walk through town, joints snapping after being cramped in the taxi the long ride. The sun was setting and he needed to start looking for leads, but he decided the best place to start was wherever that delicious smell was coming from. _Can't work with an empty stomach, hard to focus_. He told himself. Turns out the smell was wafting from an old-school drive in which was bustling with kids and adults alike. Constantine realized it was Friday night now, he inwardly hoped the unnatural cause of death wouldn't make an appearance here. It was about a ten minute wait but his patience was rewarded with a steaming, dripping, burger, loaded with sauces and toppings. A huge soda and pile of fries sat forgotten next to Constantine's elbow as he destroyed his burger, oblivious to someone plopping into a seat next to him at the small table he'd settled on. He was able to finish his entire sandwich before he realized there was a raven haired man sitting next to him watching him eat. Wiping his mouth with a napkin, Constantine turned to face his companion, "I see not everyone is so generous with personal space. What do I owe the pleasure?" He raised a tired eyebrow the other man.

Cassidy could always appreciate a person with hunger, as a matter of fact he found it somewhat sexy. Too many people were to controlled with their selves. Food portions, alcohol, sex, drugs, you can never have too much, but someone with hunger had _life_ in them. Cassidy flashed his enormous smile, "Tell ya the truth I'm just looking to cause a ruckus. My proverbial ball and chain gave me a night out, though I'd stir the pot, see what or who I could get inta." Constantine chuckled appreciatively, taking a swig of his drink before grabbing a bottle of ketchup and pulling his plate fries closer, "I'd be happy to help if I wasn't working, unfortunately I'm here on business. Perhaps you can give me a rain check, -?" "Cassidy. Friends call me Cass for short." The shorter man supplied. Constantine nodded, pouring ketchup onto his pile of fries, causing Cass to cringe, "There's a special place in hell for folk who do that, ya know?" He pointed at the fries. Constantine barked another laugh, "Oh trust me, mate, there's a special place in hell for me anyway."

Cass leaned on the bar and liberated a handful of ketchup dressed fries, "So, tall, dark, _and_ mysterious? A man after my own heart." Cass grinned. Constantine froze, mid-bite, looking up from the food to Cass again, realizing he might be being flirted with. He switched up his direction, deciding he could make time for some extracurricular activities before working. "Oh more mysterious than one man should be. I've quite a name for myself in the dirty underworld." Constantine dug his cigarettes out of his slacks pocket and offered one to his counterpart who accepted entheusiastically. Constantine lit his own and the Cass', who took a few hearty hits and then asked, "What makes you so interesting then, eh?" To which Constantine shook his head and smiled, "You're too sober to believe me. Hell, even with several drinks _I_ wouldn't believe me." Cass snorted, "Careful there, lad, too much mystery might kill ya. How's about I tell you a truth about myself, and then you give me one of your mysterious truths? Make a game of it. We'll see which one of us is the non-believer." Constantine met his gaze, "Fair enough. You first."


	2. Sinners and a "Saint"

"So I walk inta the bar alone, thinking to meself I can still salvage the night, right? No sooner do I plant my pasty arse onto a stool do I get a fist to the temple and to the floor I drop! It was the Head Master." Cassidy cackled and threw his head back at Constantine's raised brow. "Well I don't know if I have many stories that can top that as far as sexual ventures go, but I've seen some bloody crazy stuff, I'll tell you." Constantine stood and motioned for Cassidy to follow. The two walked away from the drive-in toward the center of the city as they continued their chat. "Come on now, let's not beat around the bush. Give me something more. What are some of your _real_ secrets?" Cassidy pressed, leaning in. Constantine took a long draw off his cigarette before saying, "I'm 65 years old." Cassidy blinked, "You're taking the piss." He wasn't asking. "Dead serious, Cass." Constantine smiled lightly. Cassidy straightened up, "I'm a hundred and nineteen." He looked victorious. Constantine leaned back and looked him over, "Not bad for being a century old." He laughed and continued, "I can do magic." Constantine stuck another cigarette in his mouth and winked, his cigarette lighting when he did.

Cassidy snorted at his display, he'd seen petty magic like this before. "I've met two angels." He retaliated. "I'm friends with an angel." Constantine smirked. "I can regenerate my body." Constantine raised an eyebrow, "I'm an Exorcist." He replied with finality. Despite his momentary surprise, Cassidy was determined not to lose. "I'm a real life, genuine vampire." Faces only inches apart, Constantine's serious stare broke and he laughed. Cassidy smiled triumphantly, "Told ye you'd lose." Constantine shook his head, "No, I believe you." Though his dry chuckling didn't agree. "I've seen demons walk the earth and sold my immortal soul to eternal damnation. I'm not surprised to find a vampire that's not a murderous psychopath." Constantine was looking at Cassidy's mouth. Cassidy grinned boyishly and bumped his shoulder against his companion, "I've still got a better one," He continued. Constantine nodded. "I live in a church, with my best friend who's a preacher, where I killed and buried the two angels I met." He dissolved with laughter and Constantine soon followed, "You should introduce me to this Preacher friend of yours. I need to corroborate this information with a witness." "I bet he'd love to ask you some questions there, boyo." Cassidy agreed, turning left at an intersection and leading Constantine out of town.

The walk up to the church was long and slow, Cassidy walking backwards to face Constantine and talk. "-then I walked out of the bathroom and saw the whole place tore all to hell and the Padre standing in the center of it. Some bloke got on his feet and went for him one last time but I kicked a chair at him, knocked him flat on his arse." Cassidy was laughing. "I know I didn't say anything about bringing anyone back but you might have called ahead, Cass." Came the voice of a man dressed in all black, standing atop the stairs outside the church. "Hey, Padre, I was just telling my new friend here about when we first met!" Cassidy gestured behind him to Constantine who had stopped a few yards away from the church. "John Constantine." He nodded from his distance. "Jesse Custer." Preacher replied, "Not coming in?" Constantine ducked his head slightly, stamping out a finished cigarette, "I'm afraid it might be a bit too loud for me." He nodded at Preacher. Both the Preacher and Cassidy furrowed their brows. "I heard your voice at the start of the walk up. Damn near deafening, if you're wonderin'." Constantine crossed his arms and examined Preacher, "You're the last stop then. Whatever's been causing the spontaneous explosions of innocent religious leaders seems to have found itself a home with you."

Preacher hesitated before looking sideways at Cassidy, "What do you know about it?" Constantine let the tendrils of remaining smoke snake out of his nose while he formed his thoughts, "About as much as you. I know there's another voice speaking when you talk, I mean beside your own. I know that everyone that exhibited the use of this voice before you has died in er, grotesque ways. My colleague and I found some of the calling cards left in the wake of the path of this... _voice_. Followed it to you, hoping you could enlighten me on a few things. Starting with why eleven religious leaders are dead." Constantine uncrossed his arms and closed the distance to the church, climbing the stairs to face Jesse. "Tell ya the truth I don't even know exactly when I got it. Just remember the first time I used it. Don't think I'll ever forget that day... Right in front of his mother, _Christ_." Jesse raked his fingers through his hair, "Look why don't you come in for a cup of coffee." He gestured to the door, Cassidy already halfway inside. Constantine nodded and followed Cassidy, Jesse closing the door behind them.

Cassidy went to the church kitchen to get drinks, leaving Jesse standing before his podium, staring at the open book atop it. Constantine made himself comfortable on a first row pew and watch Jesse ponder his gift. "You think it's a gift from God?" He queried. Jesse turned around to look at him, "Well I don't know what else to think. I'm a priest, I'm meant to save the sinners, to Shepard the lost. Why else would I have this ability if not because it's God's Will?" His body language was defensive. Constantine shook his head, "I won't put on like I know anything about God's will, but I'll tell you if your power comes from a source that can kill it's host, I strongly recommend you become better acquainted with it before you go unleashing it willynilly." Leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees, "Have you used it much yet?" Cassidy returned with two steaming coffee mugs and a bottle of wine, "Got plenty of fun out of it makin' a fool outta me." He chuckled as he passed each of them a mug and uncorked his wine. Constantine sipped his coffee and choked at the taste, "Ah, I think I'll share that wine with you instead if that's alright."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you weren't here for the smut you can skip this chapter

Constantine had fully intended to stop drinking. He'd also intended to ask what the hell was in that wine but at some point he forgot about it and just started enjoying being more drunk than he had been since his twenties. At another point he'd realized he was sweating bullets in his trench coat and shed both his coat and his shirt. Jesse has followed suit, ditching his black collared shirt and kicking off his boots, the three men sat on the floor passing the wine bottled and laughing through shared memories. "I don't know how the hell we ever got produced, we were bleeding awful. Rockstar wannabes." Constantine sighed with a smile, wiping tears of laughter away. "We're all just a bunch of misfits." Jesse chuckled. Cassidy snorted, "More like a God damned mess, we are." Jesse and Constantine glanced at each other and erupted into laughter. He realized he needed to laugh more.

"Hey, Padre, why don't you show him the thing?" Cassidy waved the bottle in Constantine's direction. "He told me not use it." Jesse slurred his last few words. Constantine shrugged, "A tiny demonstration wouldn't hurt, would it?" Cassidy snickered, "See? One little command won't hurt nobody." He offered the bottle to Jesse who took it despite his gut telling him he didn't need to drink anymore. "Alright. Cassidy said you can do magic, so, **show us some magic**." Jesse's voice was some how deafening but subtle. Like a man possessed, Constantine stood and muttered something under his breath. Using a pocket knife he drew blood in the palm of one hand and lathered both hands with it. His hands burst into flames at his final words and Cassidy jumped scrambled backwards. Jesse watched in confused awe. Shaking the flames out, Constantine took the bottle of wine from Jesse's idle grip and finished it. "I may be under several influences, Preacher, but I can tell you whatever mojo you have, it's dangerous." Constantine seemed to have sobered suddenly. He grabbed clothes and fished out a cigarette, "I'll be back tomorrow. Maybe we can figure out the origin of your _gift_ then. Goodnight lads." He nodded and strode out of the church, lighting his cigarette. Cassidy turned to Jesse, "Now what'dya have to go and run him off for, eh?" Jesse stared at him, mouth opening and closing as he failed to form his defense, "Wh- wait, now just a minute Cass, don't you blame me. The voice thing was your idea!"

Letting his body collapse onto his bed for the night, Constantine buried his face in his pillow and sighed happily. It was nice to be drunk and not depressed at the same time. Having stripped to nothing, he reached up next to his bed and turned on the window air conditioning unit, and then allowed his mind to drift comfortably into unconsciousness. He didn't remember most of his dreams, but his mind had made its way through the madness of sorting out his work related memories and into an indulgent fantasy. Redhead or brunette, he wouldn't later remember, but the basic details included a lot of soft hands moving over some very delicate spots of his. Something began to reel him back into the waking plane, however, as he became aware of his erection rutting against his mattress. Sitting up disappointedly, he sighed and stifled a yawn, which turned into a yelp when he noticed someone was sitting across from him. In an armchair sat Cassidy, though not properly, more like on top of the back of the armchair, arms crossed, a wicked smirk on his lips. "Don't mind me there, I was just enjoying the show. Some awful sinful sound coming out of ye there, Johnny boy."

Constantine rolled his eyes irritably, having been sexually starved due to his workload recently. He was definitely willing to take a dream orgasm if it was all he could manage. "Might have helped instead of just sitting there looking pretty." Constantine huffed, pulling his sheets back so he could crawl under them. "Thought you'd never ask," Cassidy replied and before Constantine could process it, he felt lips press to his own. Caught off guard, he hesitated, but Cassidy's experienced hands slipped down his chest and squeezed his hips in a teasing circles. Happy to have a willing partner, Constantine let Cassidy straddle him and strip his own shirt before kissing him again. Their tongues found each other as well as a perfect rhythm while Constantine made short work of Cassidy's jeans. The room felt like the surface of the sun when their bare bodies made contact at last, Cassidy hungrily thrusting himself against Constantine. "Mm, slow down there, love. You're wanting a marathon but you're going to get a short sprint if you don't give me a moment." Constantine spoke through gritted teeth as he held back a quickly building orgasm. "Don't worry about me, John. I'll do the work for us both." Cassidy grinned down at Constantine and stuck a few fingers in his mouth to wet them.

Slowly and gently, Cassidy worked his fingers into Constantine, watching his expression as he did. The man below him fought to keep his legs still as his arousal grew. Somehow Cassidy opened him up almost instantly without any discomfort. Constantine waited impatiently for something more but Cassidy seemed happy to finger him and watch his anticipation. Eventually Constantine couldn't stand the wait anymore, "Jesus, Cass, just fuck me!" Cassidy chuckled appreciatively, "Ask and ye shall receive." He lined himself up and leaned forward, agonizingly slow as forced himself in. Constantine was gripping the sheets with desperation as Cassidy pushed the full length of his shaft into him. Constantine shuddered a moan as he felt pleasure drowning him, he thrust himself into Cassidy a few times. "Impatient are we?" Cassidy couldn't help but appreciate his partner's entheusiasm. "You don't want to know how fuckin' long it's been." Constantine replied, thrusting a few more times. Cassidy leaned over him and kissed him hungrily, moving from his mouth to his cheek and down his neck to his shoulder. He began to withdraw and thrust in again with a slow pace, Constantine vocalizing his enjoyment through moans and swears. Cassidy bit cautiously into his flesh, tender enough not to break the surface, but hard enough to make it pleasurable. Constantine hummed his approval, but Cassidy didn't continue, knowing he was playing a dangerous game if he got too carried away.

Constantine tried to enjoy the slow and steady thrusts Cassidy had set but he wanted, and _needed_ more. He snaked his arms around Cassidy and carefully positioned his legs to execute his favorite maneuver. With a single thrust up and a twist, Constantine successfully flipped Cassidy onto his back. Constantine lustfully impaled himself on Cassidy's throbbing member and moaned aloud, "Fuck, I needed this." He panted as he picked up the pace to the speed he'd been craving. Cassidy was simply watching with his crosses arms supporting his head. Seeing Constantine reach the edge, Cassidy slipped a hand between them and purposefully stroked Constantine closer, biting his own lip as he felt climax mounting. They came together in mingled cries of pleasure and Constantine fell onto Cassidy in exhaustion. "A God damned mess is right."


End file.
